Apostrophe apocalypse

"Tart's & Sponge's"

A few years ago, entering a newish vast garden centre, we saw, scrawled on a blackboard "tart's" and "spong'es"..    Appalled, I had to write to them....... hence...

12.4.13  We have just visited your store, and on entering it, were just horrified to find many notices with apostrophes used so, so wrongly.   I have no way of knowing whether the person reading this has some knowledge of grammar,  but if you have, you will wince at "sponge's" and "tart's".    If these words look all right to you, PLEASE pass this email on to someone you understands how dreadful this is, and get them to see to it that they are changed.

It does not do the image of your store any good to demonstrate such bad English. It really matters. The members of your staff responsible for making notices need to have their work checked by someone who understands punctuation.

18.4.13 Can I remind you that I would like a response? I was going to send a copy of this first letter to your head office, but was waiting to see your reply.
Regards,                                                                                                                                       
Dorothea Conti



18.4.13 Dear Dorothea,

Many thanks for taking the time to inform us of the punctuation errors made on the signage boards at the entrance to our store, you are correct to point out that attention to detail is paramount in retail and mistakes such as this should not be being made at this level,i  have brought this issue to the attention of our bakery/restaurant supervisor who will be monitoring this signage for its content and grammar and have suggested that it is scripted through a spell check program prior to being transferred to a blackboard.
Many thanks once again for bringing this matter to our attention,

Michael Jones
Food hall supervisor

18.4.13 Dear Michael,
 Since you seem from your reply to be a charming young man, and probably light years younger than me, I do hope you won't mind me telling you that I don't think you understand the problem!    `Using a spell check program is useless for punctuation.  It is not the spelling that is wrong. It is the use of an apostrophe where it is not needed.

Roughly - using a plural word (more than one) - does not need an apostrophe - i.e. cat, cats, sponge, sponges, tart, tarts.
They can be used for something missing - It is = it's,  does not = doesn't.
They can mean "belonging to" -  the dog's tail,     the car's bonnet.

That's a basic rundown on apostrophes. You can see how a spell check won't help.  I would suggest you just say to the staff "If in doubt, leave it out".   Or get someone who knows to check all the boards...

 Just to rub salt into the wound, can I just mention that in your pleasant letter, you wrote five lines as one enormously long sentence.  Just put full stops and capital letters instead of commas, then it will be fine.

 I do hope I haven't been too hard on you and you have a sense of humour.   Do please reply and tell me what you plan to do.

Best wishes,
Dorothea


20.4.13
Dear Dorothea,

Many thanks for your reply regarding our apostrophe problem in store, upon further investigation i now understand how a spell check program would not improve our current dilemma and we have decided to heed your advice and leave out any punctuation marks which may be used incorrectly, that said we shall endeavour to ensure our punctuation is correct prior to resorting to this measure, I have also decided to print your reply to my previous correspondence outlining the correct use of apostrophes for the reference of our team when producing handwritten point of sale.

I would once again like to take the time to thank you for bringing this problem to our attention and would invite any feedback or builds around improving our grammar and punctuation in our Milton Keynes branch.

Kind regards,
Michael  (sense of humour intact!)

20.4.13 Dear Michael,
 So pleased to hear from you again, and to know I haven't upset you.   I am really gratified  to hear you are going to use my hints for your team.  I take it you are only concerned with the Food Hall?  It would be good to hear that this subject might be considered all through the whole store, where there must be many similar boards and notices.

 Since you invite me to give you feedback, I can't help noticing that your email to me today still has commas instead of full stops.  You cannot write one long sentence, which is what you are doing. It needs to be broken up into separate sentences!  Next time you write to me, try it!
 I heard on the radio today, they are having a Grammar Day somewhere!

Sincerely,
 Dorothea Conti

(So chuffed to hear your sense of humour is still intact)


22.4.13 Dear Michael
  I am waiting impatiently to hear your reply to my last email.

Regards,
Dorothea

23.4.13 Dear Dorothea,
      Many thanks for your continued input regarding our ongoing punctuation issues. Over the last weekend several pieces of handwritten point of sale were produced and the punctuation in them was correct. I have also taken on board your comments around my use of full stops and have corrected this practice.

Kind regards

Michael

23.4.13 Dear Michael,
 Well done!  Yes, your email punctuation was fine.   You didn't say what is the situation regarding notices all over the store.   Do you think your management would be interested in having an advisor in this regard?  I did think of approaching them.

Regards,
Dorothea

23.4.13 Dear Dorothea,
  It’s  good to know that the penny is dropping regarding my own punctuation. I cannot speak on behalf of the whole store however  I shall  certainly be calling upon you should I be in any doubt regarding the punctuation on my own department. I shall also be encouraging other supervisors to do the same.
Many thanks once again for your help in this matter.

Kind regards
Michael

24.4.13 For the attention of the Manager.

Dear Sir/Madam,
   Recently, having noticed some glaring errors in punctuation on blackboards -( using apostrophes wrongly),  I have been in touch with your charming Food Hall supervisor, Michael Jones.  Several emails have been exchanged, and he claims he has benefited greatly from my explanations and help, and will get back to me in the future.  It is obviously important that your centre presents itself well.

   No doubt there are other departments with similar problems.  Perhaps you may be interested in using my expertise in this subject, by using me as an advisor.   This could be done by sending me drafts of new notices to check for punctuation/grammar errors, or something similar, possibly?

  Since I am involved with the charity "Wateraid", which is concerned with clean water and sanitation worldwide, I would appreciate donations for this in return for my work.

  Please let me know if this idea appeals to you.  My phone no. is 01444 210423.

Regards,
Dorothea Conti   

1.5.13 Please would you let me have a reply (or phone call) to this email?
Regards,
Dorothea Conti

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Eventually, I had a phone call from a courteous Scottish man at headquarters, saying they dealt with all printed matter there, so didn't need any help.  Local blackboards were not their concern.......

Blessed badminton....

I've been playing badminton for years and just love it.... No having to run after the ball, whizzing
miles off into a corner.... no, the shuttlecock just drops meekly down, to be painlessly retrieved.




Today, I played or about two hours, with loads of different partners at our local leisure centre.  My partner might be an incredibly agile fifteen year old lad, who covers the whole rear of the court, whilst I defend the net, and try to make points on tricky serves, or another woman who covers one side.

 I've never forgotten one incident.  My husband and I were in a coaching session with a big group, watching a demonstration.  Some stood, some sat on the floor like me.  I looked at the lean, tanned leg beside me and thought what great legs my husband had, then reached out to caress his calf.....An inch away from it, I realised it wasn't David's..........          I've often wondered what would have happened had I continued.

Live Life :Wow! A new project for us.....

Wow - Live Life :  A badminton friend has asked us if we could do about forty  small line drawings for her new book on play therapy.     This is quite a challenge.    We both draw and paint, but line drawings have to be carefully done - no impressionism here.

I've just done two and they've turned out really well.... a nice chubby girl happily playing with playdough, and another child cooking.  My husband has spent a while drawing a challenging scene with two adults giving a child a swing in a blanket.... not easy.

 Yesterday, a mini adventure....   Walking round our Marie Celeste type village, we came across a lost elderly lady, clutching scrawled directions.  Having found out she needed to go at least two miles, we offered to give her a lift.  On the way home, she said that 62 years ago, she came to England from St.Helena.    Into my head came Napoleon... Yes, he was exiled there....  It's a tiny British colony in the South Atlantic, halfway between Africa and S.America, so they speak English.    Beatty came to Coventry with a group of other young women, to do domestic work, living in.....  Oh, what a story...

Blog re-start

  I'm restarting my blog to give a mix of experiences from way back, even pre war, and current ones, such as setting up an evening class for drawing/painting and painting in the Sahara.... So here's the start...






 School exchange to France in 1949 - I am fifteen - a chateau in the Loire?

My school had arranged exchanges for us, and I was paired with Odile, from Paris.  When she sent me a postcard of a vast building, I wondered if it might be somewhere we would visit.

 I arrived alone in Paris from the boat train, and was met by a charming young man. He was Odile’s brother in law.  He took me to their large old house, where I met her parents, who were very pleasant and hospitable.  I remember playing the recorder to them (!) and eating artichokes for the first time ever. They had to show how to peel off the fleshy leaves and dip them in butter. They had a housekeeper from Brittany to whom I was introduced. She had such a strong accent, I couldn’t understand a word, but when I remet her after my stay, I was pleased to find I could.

 Soon, we were at La Rozelle in Cellettes, their chateau in the country.    As a naive 15 year old, I did not find this as unbelievable as I do now.

 Odile’s father took me around it, and although my French was pretty dire, there was no mistaking his anger when he showed me the damage that been done to the house when it was taken over as a head quarters by the Germans only a few years before. “And they danced on the piano!”

   My mother and I had had a shopping expedition to buy presents for me to take; immaculate white fluffy Slazenger tennis balls, six in a box  for Odile and razor sharp penknives for the two boys, who were about seven and nine.  Years later, calling in at La Rozelle, I met Gonzague, who had become a priest, and he said how thrilled they were with these penknives.

  That first morning, I came downstairs to find Odile and her brothers waiting at the foot of the stairs, and I was so surprised that they shook hands with me. Tea was made for me in a saucepan, and in the afternoon, we were given some dark chocolate with bread.....  so bizarre.

 The house was in acres of ground and had a very battered tennis court. I remember someone pushing a low wheeled line marking machine full of runny lime/chalk to do the lines on the court.  We played a lot of croquet on the gravelled area behind the house, and even swam in the river that ran through the grounds.   Once, I saw Odile’s brother in law standing facing a hedge, and, impossible as it seemed, realised he must be urinating.
Guess who is French?  Yes, Odile's  on the right.

 The evening meal was very formal. We, at least ten, ate around a vast shiny table, served by the kitchen staff.  The food was so different from what I had in England. Lots of separate courses, salad, very thin crunchy chips, and horrors – very rare steak.  This was unknown in England then. Only Americans ate steak and I was horrified. It was quite bloody, and I had no idea that I could have asked for it to be cooked further.   I just ate the brown edges, and left the rest.   

   I realised that everyone else had a lot of bread with their meals, so I took some too.  I thought that I shouldn’t leave any, so put the remains in my pocket. Later, in my vast bedroom, I considered how to get rid of it. I thought that if I put it out for the birds, it might be noticed, so I put it in the wash basin and tried to wash it down. Naturally, it got blocked and for days, it seemed, there was water in the basin. I was so worried about it being discovered, but one day, it was gone. I shall never know whether someone found it, and sorted it out, but I was so relieved.   

 Odile had no interest at all in speaking English, which was very good for my French. She also had an elderly aunt, who used to talk to me frequently.   There were old bicycles with minimal brakes,which we used to go into the village now and then and buy sweets.  Odile’s parents took us to see the chateaux of the Loire, and I still have a guide book they bought for me, with their signatures. They had a capacious old French car,  and we also went to a big fete/horse show, very up market and so unlike the horse shows I’d been to in England..  They did try to entertain me.

 

 Odile came back to England with me.  My father had won in a raffle, at a Masonic dinner, two tickets for a week at Butlins, the holiday camp, so he paid for one more so that my older sister Rosemary could go with us.  We three had a chalet, and this strange new world , with entertainment laid on, plus food in a vast restaurant, must have been even stranger for Odile than was for us


.  One evening, there was to be a hypnosis show, and Odile said firmly that she should not go to it. I think she felt it was against her religion.  Amazingly, when I met Odile about  twenty years later, she said she quite enjoyed Butlins… incredible.

Now, the chateau is a beautiful hotel, far removed from the battered, peeling building I saw.  

 Considering my best friend's French exchange was to a sweltering block of flats in Paris, I was so, so fortunate.     I kept my French up and am fairly fluent  and, amazingly have two French grandchildren.